I haven’t written in quite some time and although I have been busy it really isn’t an excuse. I seem to struggle with depression in bouts it seems and lately it is in full gear. The depression kicked in right when I’m in the middle of planning two major events. The biggest one is my 2nd Run for RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) . There have been many obstacles along the way so far which hasn’t helped but I lack the motivation or energy to do any of it. It literally is the grace of God. I know that this Run is what is meant to happen, but I feel so out of it and lack any strength to do it. Since depression is kicking I’m trying to kick it right back in the face! I making an effort in anyway possible, which has included yoga, acupuncture, aromatherapy, teas, good friends and quiet time.
I will say acupuncture is an entirely new experience for me, but I have seen some clinical studies that it has some benefit. I had the first session today so we will see how I feel about it after a few weeks. I will say if anyone is considering acupuncture there really isn’t any pain involved when it comes to the needles. The hardest part for me was laying down still for 30 minutes, which is definitely an opportunity for mindful breathing exercises. Although I had a really hard time doing, but honestly it is so necessary to have that time of stillness with no distractions, phones or anything.
It was definitely God’s timing that I scheduled the acupuncture & therapy today. I had my Comp claim appointment with Veteran Affairs today, and I can definitely say it was pretty much re-traumatizing. I understand the questions and I know that the VA wants to prove that the reason why I have PTSD is because of sexual assault in the military, but this is where it is ridiculous; only ptsd claims involving sexual assault have to recount details and “prove” what happened. Several times throughout the appointment I felt like I had to prove what happened, and my anxiety was through the roof. It was an intense 30 minutes, because that is how long it takes I guess. It was hard not to get irritated at the psychologist, because I know it is the bid dogs in the VA that are making her do it, because the questions they are forced to asked no pyschologist/mft/lcsw etc. would ever ask because it sounds a whole lot like “Are you sure your not making this up?” Anyways I made it through so I’m hoping for the best.
I’m back from my hiatus and I’m hoping that it won’t be long before I write again 🙂